2 years ago you passed away due to the long battle with lungs cancer. I remembered that call father received right after midnight. Two words "What time?" confirmed the bad news. You have left us.
The last time we saw you well, alive and still sitting was the September before. I remembered walking down the stairs of your house and kept glancing back at you smiling and sitting in your rattan chair .. what if .. what if this was the last time I see you .. silly me, you'll see her during new year as usual .. somewhere in my mind pffed me.
I just had to take a final glance and I was mentally prepared for the worst. I remembered you used to visit us annually last time and there was once, I didn't want to let you go home I kept lugging your bag upstairs. That was funny.
You used to give us some odds and ends .. some handphone string thingy and some mechanical pencil. The memory that stuck with me was when you took me out to buy the lemon candy - now I call it the po po sweet.
I remembered two years ago, I accepted your passing quite gracefully - in fact I was quite calm. It was not until the final day when we had to send you away. I couldn't take it - I broke down. I chose to sit alone in the bus to cry until my eyes were red. I could bluff myself you are there but I couldn't keep the lie anymore.
There are some things I kept around even though it might seem silly. I bought a new water bottle from Popular that trip when we last saw you and I'm still using it. Normally I would be trading water bottle for a new one - at least 3 per year but this time, everytime I wanted to get a new one, it's so silly but I thought of you. I really thought of the connection made between the purchase of the water bottle and the last trip we saw you.
That morning before we sent you away, one of the song that got me crying harder was played. I did not know the title but I froze when I heard of it on radio and during a trip to the supermarket. Sooner or later, I found out the song title :- Xin bu liao qing.
Apparently it's quite popular and everytime I hear it, I thought of you. I thought of that morning. That's why you don't see me singing that song, I just hummed cause I'm taken back by the memory. I don't join others to sing this song because it hurt just a little. I don't even have the song with me because I think if I randomly hear it anywhere, it's more special that way.
You don't need to worry about me - I'm fine. I know you passed without worrying about me. I just saw everyone two days ago. Everyone is fine. The family kept expanding.
I love you po po. Thank you for being my po po for 22 years.
Much love,
One of your eldest granddaughter
1 pink roses:
*sniff* :'(
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